I was watching a television show tonight about a girl who was dating a gay boy. She knew he was gay, wasn't romantically attracted to her, but at 16 was willing to settle for living a fake life with him rather than risk being rejected by someone who might really be interested in her.
While this was a ridiculous caricature, it struck a chord with me. Way too many times in my life, from high school through college and into adulthood, I thought that loving someone who was incapable, undeserving or just a heartless scumbag was sacrificing for love, giving to someone else. I thought that unconditional love was what I was supposed to do, regardless of the deservedness of my target. I wish I could go back and scream some sense into that girl I used to be. I was so afraid no one would ever love me that I stuck myself in relationships with men who didn't really love me, couldn't love me.
I don't think I am alone in this boat. Come on, admit it if you've been paddling along with me at some point. We are programmed to think a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but the bird in the hand is only worth ANYTHING if he willing put himself there and is willing to sacrifice as much as you are.
Real, deep, committed love is worth sacrifice. But don't be a martyr! Find someone who cherishes you and sacrifices for you. My husband and I don't always get it right, but I think we do a pretty good job taking turns. He has days that he has nothing to offer me and needs whatever I can give. I have days I am a disaster and let him fill in the cracks of the dam of my day or was it my dam(n) day? Most days we have a little give and take. I think that kind of love where both give 100% most days, 200% some days and accept 0% on other days is the kind worth fighting for, making concessions and compromising for.
No matter who you are, you are special and unique and deserve the love of someone who cherishes those things about you that make you different. No one should subvert herself hoping to be loved in return. If he/she doesn't love you before you sacrifice or compromise, find someone who will. You are worth holding out for. Don't sell yourself short. Sometimes being alone is WAY BETTER than being lonely with someone.
My husband and I have been struggling with some issues for a few months. We are trying to decide if we stay together or split. He is angry a lot and I am worried about his temper. I was taught married is forever. When do I drawn the line?
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