Drawing the line

Dear Drawing the line,

Divorce is rarely an easy answer to a difficult situation. But you're not alone. Many people struggle with the decision to stay or go. You need to ask yourself a few questions. First and foremost, if his anger is an issue, is he being violent?

I can't tell you if you should get a divorce, but if he is being violent or threatening violence, then a physical separation is necessary. Putting yourself in danger is never a good option. I don't know if you have children, but people often stay for the children, and the children are often harmed emotionally and mentally by the arguing more than we realize. In the August 2010 issue of Parents magazine, an article titled "How to Fight in Front of the Kids" by Margery D. Rosen talks about how no matter how well we think we disguise arguing, it affects even the smallest of children. Older kids internalize the arguments and believe that they are somehow to blame. If you have children, you need to get them away from the fighting immediately.

Then you need to decide if any progress can be made between you if you seek help from some outside source, a pastor, priest, therapist, etc. I would recommend making the effort to give therapy a try. If it works, you've saved your marriage. If it doesn't, you've given your best effort and not walked away from your vows. Even if it doesn't work to save your relationship with your husband, you might gain some insights about yourself as a wife, as a person and as a woman. We tend to date the same issues in different packages over and over. If you don't ever discover what those patterns are and why you fall into them, you may find yourself in a similar situation eventually.

So, get yourself out of physical danger if there is any and seek some professional help. If he won't go, go alone and see what you need to know about yourself. There is a time to stay and a time to draw the line. Only you can decide what that line is. Let me know how it goes. Best Wishes!