Being a friend: Part 1

What do you do when a friend hurts your feelings? Many of us don't do anything at all externally. We get angry or hurt, but won't go to that person and address it. If we talk about it at all, we talk to someone else, some third party or a friend from another group, like a work friend about a church friend.

Friendship, real friendship, isn't perfect, nor does it expect perfection. I have friends who always call the second I sit down to dinner or talk so much that I never get a word in edgewise, etc. but I love them for who they are and I am able to tease them. I have one friend who is always late. No judgment, just the truth. She is just very optimistic about how long errands or tasks will take and usually misjudges by thirty minutes or so. We love her anyways. Wouldn't it be ridiculous to be angry with her for being late? If she is late 19 out of 20 times, and we know this. Then make plans flexible. My husband can't get out the door on time for anything other than work. He just has two gears, army and leisurely. Is it his problem if he mozies around and makes me late, or mine for not understanding who he is. Maybe both.

In a real friendship, even those within a marriage, the relationship needs to be based at the foundation on accepting each other for who we are, and being able to tell each other how we feel. Sometimes we "politely" ignore someone's behavior that hurts us, but the resentment builds and eventually eats away at our relationship. There are times to let things go, not to say anything because nothing can be gained from saying something. But if I act poorly, I want someone to let me know. I won't be happy about it, will probably feel hurt, angry and embarrassed at first, but I would rather have the chance to apologize and change than to feel like someone I call a friend is pulling away from me or gradually cutting me out of her life.

Why do we choose to tell the truth to complete strangers? Give strangers the benefit of the doubt? or give them the unvarnished truth, but our friends and family, we hold to different standards, and let the seeds of resentment blossom and destroy rather than tell an uncomfortable truth? Why is it when we supposedly hold back the truth in the name of friendship, we often end up with neither the truth or the friend?

Please leave a comment about how you address a friend who has hurt you or if you find it hard too.