A few weeks ago, I got a call from my new lawn guy. He said he was on his way over. The baby was fussy, but lightly dozing. After making sure she was secure, I ran outside to clean up the backyard. Just as I was finishing, I could hear the baby crying. I dropped the bag of poop into a bucket near the gate and fully intended to take it out to the trash the next minute I had free.
Scan forward two weeks, I again head out to the backyard to clean up after the dog. In the two weeks, the area has been hit by torrential downpours and flash flooding. I never went back outside to dump the bag into the trash can out front. The large bucket was now a swirling cesspool of liquid excrement, gag.
I will spare you the gory details, but I cleaned out the bucket, using the disgusting water to fill holes that my dog has been making in the yard. Supposedly the scent will discourage her from digging there anymore. I know it should discourage her from getting anywhere near those holes, but she also likes to roll in dead fish, so we'll see.
The lesson here is tri-fold. 1) If you leave a pile of crap somewhere, you are going to have to deal with it at some point in some way. 2) You can take any situation, no matter how distasteful, and find a way to use it to improve your life or self if you try. 3) Don't leave a bag of poop out in the rain, it isn't pleasant later. The last one is kinda obvious, but just in case you hadn't caught on - it was NASTY!! Really - I was smelling poop for hours. Gross.
My take on lemons to lemonade - have a good one. Also, post a question or comment. You can remain anonymous, but I haven't had a message in awhile asking me to offer advice.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
One day at a time
I haven't had any new letters asking for advice so I am going to share some that my lovely mothers BOTH gave to me tonight. Take one day at a time, don't look at the entire huge task looming ahead, just focus on the day, hour, minute in order to survive.
Many tasks seem impossible at first blush. When I started running two years ago, I thought running a 5k was impossible. Within 3 weeks of starting to jog, I did my first 5k. That was November 1. On February 15, I ran a half-marathon. I didn't do it intending to run 13.1 miles. I did it intending to jog for three minutes and finished being able to jog for 2 1/2 hours.
For those of you who found this blog without knowing about my other one, I am a soldier's wife going through a deployment with a 4 month old baby a thousand miles away from family. Some of my days feel like marathons. And I have to take each day one second at a time.
No matter how horrible or amazing something is right now, the one constant you can count on is it is going to change. Savor the incredible moments because they pass too quickly and realize the horrible ones pass just as quickly, even if they seem to last forever.
Just take one day at a time and you can survive and conquer more than you think possible.
Many tasks seem impossible at first blush. When I started running two years ago, I thought running a 5k was impossible. Within 3 weeks of starting to jog, I did my first 5k. That was November 1. On February 15, I ran a half-marathon. I didn't do it intending to run 13.1 miles. I did it intending to jog for three minutes and finished being able to jog for 2 1/2 hours.
For those of you who found this blog without knowing about my other one, I am a soldier's wife going through a deployment with a 4 month old baby a thousand miles away from family. Some of my days feel like marathons. And I have to take each day one second at a time.
No matter how horrible or amazing something is right now, the one constant you can count on is it is going to change. Savor the incredible moments because they pass too quickly and realize the horrible ones pass just as quickly, even if they seem to last forever.
Just take one day at a time and you can survive and conquer more than you think possible.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Couple Concerns
I guess I am not real computer literate, but it appears you guys can't see the letters unless you click on comments, so I will copy and paste them or parts of them if they a super long. Keep them coming - makes it easier to give advice with a concrete topic.
"My friend is getting married soon to a guy I don't like. He is an ok person, but they don't seem to get along very well. She gets mad at him all the time for how immature he is. I want to tell her not to marry him, but I don't want to make her mad. What do you think I should do?
Friendly"
Dear Friendly,
Many a sitcom has broached this subject, like one person in the couple but not the other or couple friends who fight like dogs. It makes for funny sitcoms, but not so funny when it is your friend in the less than happy couple.
I have been in your shoes a few times. Once I told a dear friend of mine not to marry the girl he was engaged to. They didn't share the same religious values and I thought eventually it would cause a rift between them. She seemed kind of flaky to tell you the truth, but I only knew her through his descriptions of her. I was way too blunt, and I told him I couldn't come to his wedding to support his marriage to someone I didn't think would make him happy. Our friendship has never been the same, but the marriage didn't work out. So I suppose I could call him and say, "told you so." I am sure that would fix it. While what I said might have been the truth, what I said didn't change his mind and certainly didn't do anything for our friendship. While years later, he was able to appreciate that I was right, it made no difference then. Being right, isn't the same as being a friend.
I think you can agree that all people are different and all marriages are different. I am sure people look at my marriage from time to time and wonder how in the world we put up with each other, just as I have looked at other relationships and wondered. Maybe what looks like miserable bickering to you is what makes them work. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If she asks your opinion, you can offer a tempered, tactful opinion, one you can live with if they stay together.
If you see her spending a lot of time really hurting, or suspect the relationship is truly sick, not just unusual, you may need to run the risk of losing your friend to make sure she doesn't lose herself in a horrible relationship. Again, only you know your friend or the situation, but one thing you can maybe say is that he is a good guy and loves you, but is that going to be enough when the honeymoon wears off. Even the best relationship loses some of the bloom after the initial infatuation wanes. If there is nothing but passion and drama holding them together, someday it will be pushing them apart.
To summarize, you should probably not say anything without being asked, unless the circumstances become dire. If you choose to say something, try to be a neutral party, looking out for both of them.
Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done (before parenting - different topic) as far as love and irritation and passion and frustration and devotion, etc. are concerned. Marriage isn't the same animal for all people and maybe who they are together works, maybe it doesn't. Listen to her, try to get her to look at the relationship herself. We all tend to want to prove our love is real to doubters. Don't be a doubter, just be on her side. She may see the flaws herself or decide they aren't that glaring. Be supportive and loving, that way you can be there if she changes her mind or if she doesn't.
Two caveats - all advice should be taken with a grain of salt. I am no therapist, just lived a lot of crap. Take what I say to heart and make your own choices. 2) if there is any abuse or violence, do anything you can to get her away from it or walk away if it is in your life.
Hope this helps, Friendly.
"My friend is getting married soon to a guy I don't like. He is an ok person, but they don't seem to get along very well. She gets mad at him all the time for how immature he is. I want to tell her not to marry him, but I don't want to make her mad. What do you think I should do?
Friendly"
Dear Friendly,
Many a sitcom has broached this subject, like one person in the couple but not the other or couple friends who fight like dogs. It makes for funny sitcoms, but not so funny when it is your friend in the less than happy couple.
I have been in your shoes a few times. Once I told a dear friend of mine not to marry the girl he was engaged to. They didn't share the same religious values and I thought eventually it would cause a rift between them. She seemed kind of flaky to tell you the truth, but I only knew her through his descriptions of her. I was way too blunt, and I told him I couldn't come to his wedding to support his marriage to someone I didn't think would make him happy. Our friendship has never been the same, but the marriage didn't work out. So I suppose I could call him and say, "told you so." I am sure that would fix it. While what I said might have been the truth, what I said didn't change his mind and certainly didn't do anything for our friendship. While years later, he was able to appreciate that I was right, it made no difference then. Being right, isn't the same as being a friend.
I think you can agree that all people are different and all marriages are different. I am sure people look at my marriage from time to time and wonder how in the world we put up with each other, just as I have looked at other relationships and wondered. Maybe what looks like miserable bickering to you is what makes them work. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If she asks your opinion, you can offer a tempered, tactful opinion, one you can live with if they stay together.
If you see her spending a lot of time really hurting, or suspect the relationship is truly sick, not just unusual, you may need to run the risk of losing your friend to make sure she doesn't lose herself in a horrible relationship. Again, only you know your friend or the situation, but one thing you can maybe say is that he is a good guy and loves you, but is that going to be enough when the honeymoon wears off. Even the best relationship loses some of the bloom after the initial infatuation wanes. If there is nothing but passion and drama holding them together, someday it will be pushing them apart.
To summarize, you should probably not say anything without being asked, unless the circumstances become dire. If you choose to say something, try to be a neutral party, looking out for both of them.
Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done (before parenting - different topic) as far as love and irritation and passion and frustration and devotion, etc. are concerned. Marriage isn't the same animal for all people and maybe who they are together works, maybe it doesn't. Listen to her, try to get her to look at the relationship herself. We all tend to want to prove our love is real to doubters. Don't be a doubter, just be on her side. She may see the flaws herself or decide they aren't that glaring. Be supportive and loving, that way you can be there if she changes her mind or if she doesn't.
Two caveats - all advice should be taken with a grain of salt. I am no therapist, just lived a lot of crap. Take what I say to heart and make your own choices. 2) if there is any abuse or violence, do anything you can to get her away from it or walk away if it is in your life.
Hope this helps, Friendly.
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